Who would you be once you start feeling heard all the time?
We all hide some part of ourselves because we were told that was the right thing to do. Maybe we were being too much or too disruptive or just too different from what someone else wanted their surroundings to be. Something about us was ruining the vibe and we were asked to keep it down.
As we grow up, we spend a lot of time trying to fight that rulebook. The adult us remembers what it was like not having our voice heard. The adult us resents the oppression and still feels silenced. We rebel on behalf of our inner child. A lot of our adult lives are around balancing the burdensome requirement of who we were told we should be with who we are. Some people grow up hiding themselves forever, some people spend all their adult life being as loud as possible about themselves. Whether we over index on the pains of our childhood or not, we carry it forever.
It is hard to find a balance between who we are, who we were told to be and who we are needed to be in this moment. It is hard to pick a self using rationale and not spite. Submitting to rationale sometimes means picking the person you were told to be(not your authentic self but what everyone will like). For example, we can’t be our loud perky self in some serious meetings where we need to establish authority and it kills us. To our oppressed perky inner child, this feels like betrayal.
Many people are used to picking the rationale because it is the right thing to do. We intellectualize our own oppression by claiming it will lead to better results. Truth be told, in many cases it will lead to better results. But that doesn’t mean in every case it will. And sometimes, the self you pick is going to be inconsequential.
While it feels like being yourself is like making a wrong choice, what would really happen if we agreed to bear the cost of making the wrong choice? We would be freer because there is less to hide. Maybe what we’re hiding is harmless, and when we show up as ourselves nobody would really care. Maybe the part of ourselves that we’re hiding is actually explosive, but then we will meet more people who share our ideas and there would be a stronger community surrounding us.
The bottom line is, when you are your true self,
the worst case is some people don’t like you but many more will,
neutral case is that nobody will care but you will get the be yourself
the best case is that you will be celebrated and encouraged to be yourself.
So maybe just be yourself.
When you start being yourself, how different would this person be from who you are today? Would you have new goals? New confidence? New rituals? new friends? Would you be happier?
Source: anon on twitter